Meet the Models, New England: Marrianne Gruver

Marrianne Gruver had no signs of breast cancer, even after frequent mammograms. An inner feeling gave her the push to get further checked out by her doctor. It was a decision that would save her life because despite no genetic tracers and further clean mammograms, Marrianne was a diagnosed with stage four metastatic invasive lobular breast cancer. Often not detected through mammograms, nearly 15% of women are diagnosed with lobular breast cancer. 

Despite the jarring diagnosis, Marrianne glows positivity. In fact, she says breast cancer impacted her in lots of positive ways: “I have learned so much about myself and maybe things I was doing or ways I was living my life that weren’t allowing me to be the best version of myself. I know it is cliche to say ‘wake up call,’ but that is what this was for me.” A self diagnosed controlled planner, the diagnosis forced her to confront the here and now: “I like control in every aspect of my life- motherhood, career, marriage- and this diagnosis made me realize there are things I cannot control.” 

For Marrianne, a stage four diagnosis feels complicated. She has never felt sick, or had a surgery, so it can feel very odd to confront a non-curable diagnosis, but she also counts herself lucky to be able to still show up for her children and husband. Her husband, with whom she has been married for 28 years, continues to be her biggest support, often being her buffer around those she chooses not to be open about her diagnosis with. Indeed, Marrianne has kept her circle tight and though she found support groups unhelpful, a therapist has helped her work through this diagnosis and subsequent emotions surrounding it, particularly being open and honest with her children- Jimmy, 25; Mackenzie, 23; and Jackson, 15. Marrianne did every type of genetic test possible to ensure she had more awareness for her children and their health risk. 

Though it will forever remain a mystery as to why this happened to her, Marrianne approaches every day with joy: “I am never going to ring the bell after treatment, so I got a bell and I ring it for the best milestone of the day, which is waking up.” She aids this mindset with plenty of mind/body connection work (lots of yoga and meditation) and an even deeper connection to her faith. For Marrianne it boils down to a simple attitude: “how and who do I want to spend my time with? Let’s talk about what we want to do and just do it. I believe I am going to live until l am at least 100. That’s my goal.”